Happy Halloween people!!! The one day that people can make an ass out of themselves. Well i didn't dress up this year simply because don't feel like spending money on something that i will only use once. But if i were to dress up i would have wanted to be.... i don't know something funny i guess.
So this is what is going on in my life. I recently started running two miles a day and working out a little. The first couple of days my legs were screaming out in pain. Lol it was kinda of funny because at work i walk a lot, and there are even times that i have to run, but i felt like i was walking/running like an old lady. Oh yeah my midterms are done with, so i'm okay for the next couple of weeks. And yeah i will update my blog a lot more. I may also move to.... lol not telling yet, but it's a 70% that i'm moving. I'm going to visit the place on Nov ## and try to see if i could lower the rent since i'm a student.
Monday, October 31, 2005
Thursday, October 27, 2005
SOX WIN GAME 4 AND THE WORLD SERIES
SWEEP!!! THE WHITE SOX WIN THE WORLD SERIES. TODAY'S GAME WAS NOT AS EXCITED AS GAME 3, BECAUSE I ALREADY KNEW THAT THE SOX WERE GOING TO WIN!!! LOL WHERE ARE THE CUBS?
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
2,000
The death toll in Iraq reaches 2,000, and more than 15,000 have been wounded in action. Fuck that kind of shit gets me mad! How many more have to die?
SOX WIN GAME 3
WOW!!! On the 14th Inning and in the longest game in MLB history the White Sox come out winning game 3. They just need 1 more game left. Thank You for keeping me updated while i was at work.
Sunday, October 23, 2005
SOX WIN GAME 2
WOW!!!! This was a great game people, i was screaming like a little school girl with excitement. The WHITE SOX only need to win TWO more games and they WIN THE WORLD SERIES!!!! LOL i guess i won't have to go to church. YESSSSS
Saturday, October 22, 2005
SOX WIN GAME 1
SOX WIN GAME 1, they only need three more games and they WIN the WORLD SERIES. FUCK YEAH!!!!
STAR WARS EPISODE 3 ON SALE
Oh my god people Star Wars Episode 3 is coming out on DVD on 11/01/05 with a bonus DVD if you buy it from Wal-Mart.com for only $20.87. People you all know i'm a BIG FAN of Star Wars so if any of you would like to buy it for me PLEASE LET ME KNOW. In return i will send you personal thank you note.
Walmart Exclusive Bonus Disc Includes: The Skywalker family is at the heart of the Star Wars saga. Now hear the inside story of Luke and Anakin Skywalker from the characters who witnessed it all: the famous droid duo C-3PO and R2-D2! Episodes IV, V and VI are explored in "The Story Of Luke Skywalker," which follows the young man escaping from his daily chores on Tatooine to his becoming a hero in the Rebel Alliance. In "The Story Of Anakin Skywalker," you'll go behind the mask of the greatest Star Wars villain and discover how Darth Vader started life as a young Podracing champion on Tatooine and later became a headstrong young Jedi seduced by the dark side of the Force. With clips from the Star Wars films, C-3PO and R2-D2 take you on an hour long journey through the saga and prepare you for the explosive final chapter: "Star Wars: Episode III Revenge Of The Sith."
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
BET
Okay people so i made a BIG BET tonight. So here it is, if the White Sox win the World Series one my friends will have to do ONE THING that i want them to do, ANYTHING I WANT THEM TO DO, LOL. But if the Astros win the World Series i will have to visit a church, you all know how i feel about church and god. So this is going to be FUN!!!
INTERVIEW WITH MARY
Sorry people i know this may offend many of you, but i think it's very funny. WARNING: DO NOT READ THIS BLOG IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY TATTOO. http://www.postfun.com/pfp/features/98/aug/virgin_mary.html BVM is the Blessed Virgin Mary.
Belinda:
First of all, I want to thank you for giving Adult Christianity this wonderful exclusive.
The BVM:
Just for print. Jet Magazine out-bid you for the North American photo rights. Well, actually they out-bid Vanity Fair, too. But I'm going with VF anyway because they promised Leibowitz. At my age, you need someone who knows their filters. So, where is that other chick? I thought there were going to be two of you.
Belinda:
Mrs. Bowers?
The BVM:
Bowers? Yeah, that's the one.
Belinda:
She sent her regrets.
The BVM:
Oh, yeah? (laughs) She wants regrets? Wait 'till she finds out I overheard her say, (sounding exactly like Mrs. Nancy Bowers) "I won't be in the same room with that Papal-foisted interloper, false idol and stable slut."
Belinda:
Oh, dear. I don't recall her making that stable comment.
The BVM:
Maybe I'm projecting. Whatever. OK, fire away.
Belinda:
Is there anything about religion in America that you would like to see change?
The BVM:
How much time do you have? (laughs) Let me see. Well, basically three things. First, less attention on the Holy Spirit (yawns and looks at her watch). Second, more attention on Me!
Belinda:
That was fabulous!
The BVM:
What was?
Belinda:
When you said "Me" this wonderfully warm light bathed the entire room.
The BVM:
Well, it's like I always say: there's not a woman in this Universe who can't benefit from radiant back-lighting. How did it play on the fabric?"
Belinda:
Completely ethereal.
The BVM:
Perfect! Apparitions so often overlook the importance of good production values. So where was I? Oh, I know. And the third thing people need to do is get back to animal sacrifices.
Belinda:
Animal sacrifices? Say it isn't so.
The BVM:
Look, My Husband went to all the trouble of having it all laid out in painstaking detail how to do an artfully competent animal sacrifice in the Old Testament. And what happens? None of you people do it. I mean, He made humans with an urge to kill, so My Husband gave them tips on what to kill. But people never sacrifice animals anymore!
Belinda:
Well, it is seen as being a little cruel.
The BVM:
It's "mean." (Laughs derisively) So, you just kill each other instead! What's that all about?
Belinda:
A lot of people are uncomfortable about cruelty to animals.
The BVM:
Oh, please. Humans will mow children down in junior high school with semi-automatic weapons, starve half an African village to death, but won't put mascara on a rabbit? My Husband is just so not getting that.
Belinda:
You talk about "my husband." Whom are you referring to?
The BVM:
Whom do you think I'm referring to? Do you think I have multiple spouses? I mean, hel-LO? We don't live in Utah!
Belinda:
Well, they only allowed the men to have multiple spouses in Utah.
The BVM:
That is just so typical of this planet; don't get me started. But what would you expect from some Johnny-come-lately religion without a strong mother-worshipping tradition anyway?
Belinda:
Are you and God actually married?
The BVM:
Look, I had His kid. You'd think I'd of gotten a ring out of it. Right? But no.
Belinda:
Why not? It's my understanding that He's really pro-marriage.
The BVM:
You'd think, but He's real cagey. He keeps saying "How can we be married before God, when I am God?" It's so annoying when He gets obtuse like that; He thinks He's being clever. Not.
Belinda:
Why is He so reluctant?
The BVM:
I think He's really worried. You know, if we divorced, I'd get half of everything. Literally. And that's a lot. Besides, we'd argue over who got Earth. But I'd probably end up being the one stuck with it.
Belinda:
Would our planet be that bad?
The BVM:
Well, as planets go, it is pretty nice looking. I particularly like some of the Four Seasons resort properties. But, I got to tell you, out of all the trillions of planets, there are only two of them where the inhabitants wear blended fabrics or pretend to speak for God. Earth was not the first, as usual (laughs), but it does it the most. As you can imagine, that don't exactly sit well with Him. I mean, He used to get mad at me. Like when reports of that dyke Joan of Arc filtered back to Him, making it sound like I'd been talking to her on His behalf. As if. I don't even know her - besides, I was on vacation that century. No offense, but that whole Middle Ages was so dull! Like the 1980's. But it really hit the fan that week.
Belinda:
You don't know Joan of Arc?
The BVM:
I don't know any of those French bitches who say they know me! Name-droppers! Like that mousy Bernadette woman. Like I'm going to loiter in some nasty, clammy grotto waiting for some delusional drab bore to talk at me in French! You know, not even polite enough to ask if I speak the language! Which I don't. So typically arrogant! I mean, He-LLO?? I can say "merci" - not that a deity ever would, of course.
Belinda:
You don't understand French?
The BVM:
Does anyone understand the French? (laughing) No, seriously, The Bird speaks it beautifully - especially after a bowl of wine, but, hell, that's His specialty - tongues. But I can't keep up with all the human languages. There are just too many of them. I mean, I buy the tapes, I buy the CD-ROMS, but who has the time? Years ago, I took the time away from poker to learn Esperanto. Never again. Basically, if it isn't Arabic, Latin, some Mandarin or English, no-can-do.
Belinda:
So, if someone prays in Polish, you won't understand?
The BVM:
Not a word. Which, incidentally, didn't exactly help them out in the 1930's.
Belinda:
But doesn't the Pope pray in Polish?
The BVM:
The who?
Belinda:
The Pope.
The BVM:
You've lost me.
Belinda:
The Pope. In Rome.
The BVM:
Oh, that guy! I know who you're talking about. I love his hats! They are beyond fabulous. Not everyone can pull off that kind of height. I'd try it, but we can't get that kind of workmanship in Heaven. So, he prays in Polish? Who knew.
Belinda:
I think he does.
The BVM:
News to me. Anyway, it doesn't matter, because I always know what it's all about anyway. They always want something. Besides, with the Internet, we're going "All English" this year.
Belinda:
God uses the Internet?
The BVM:
Not for important stuff, like damning people or asking them to kill their children - the connection speeds are just too slow, but we all use AOL to meet people. Funny story: God likes to go into the Christian Chat Room on AOL, and tell people He is God. You should hear the cocks crowing! They always deny Him. Some woman called Dottie from some place called Tennessee called him a "Filthy liar!" and got an AOL Chat Room Guide to boot Him off for "room disruption"! In the scheme of things, not a real smart move.
Belinda:
What happened to Dottie?
The BVM:
She was downloaded. (Laughs) He cracks me up when He says that! Downloaded. I love that! But she won't be lonely; most of those screen-names on AOL are going to Hell. In fact, Hell is an awful lot like AOL - without all those annoying slow-loading graphics. Mind if I smoke?
Belinda:
Well, actually, yes. I do.
The BVM:
OK. Well, let me ask it to you this way: Mind if I don't have one of my seraphim minions smite you while I smoke? (lighting up) I read what you wrote about that thing my Son said about a Camel passing through the eye of a needle. He stopped smoking about 600 years ago so didn't find the cigarette joke funny. You know what those reformed smokers are like - holier than thou. But, to be honest, He don't have much of a sense of humor. Unlike His Dad. Anyway, He said the comment was in reference to a portal that camels passed through. I'd forgotten about that until He mentioned it. In fact, I've successfully forgotten all that dusty Judea stuff. My rule: if it didn't involve room service, it ain't worth remembering! Anyway, camels wouldn't fit through the opening if they had all the possessions piled on it. See, the bags wouldn't get through, but the camel would fit real good. Sort of makes you wonder why Louis Vuitton or someone didn't come up with steamer trunks in the shape of camels or something. That would have worked. That's the thing with everything My Husband or My Son said: "you can get around it if you are smart enough to work it." They both love puzzles; and life is the biggest. Certainly, the afterlife tends to be a little more tedious.
Belinda:
Why is that?
The BVM:
Well, think of it. On earth, if your parents annoy you, after several years of managed-care, the end is in sight. Up there (pointing with Her cigarette), you can't get away from people - and they are there forever. (Rolls her eyes). Plus, forever, is a real long time - people forget that. And most people run out of things to say in the first 120 years - after all that annoying "ooh"ing and "ahh"ing is over with. None of them is that entertaining or has much original to say. You know, no one reads, because if they were big readers or were in any way connected with the entertainment industry, they aren't going to get in the first place. I keep saying, "Let some of those Sodomites in just to give the place some panache and maybe a floor show on Saturdays!" But rules are rules, I guess. There are exceptions. I mean, we've got Halston cause God knows I can never have enough hats. He's fabulous with chiffon flouncing on halos!
Belinda:
So there are no entertainers in Heaven?
The BVM:
None of the decent ones. We got the Singing Nun and that one fucking song she sings. Tell me that doesn't get tedious! But no one flamboyant with any production values. True story: when Liberace kicked, for months there were a whole lot of old blue-winged ladies doing spiteful things in Heaven just to get sent down to Purgatory so they could hear his free concerts. Like God didn't know what they were up to! So, He sent them to Hell to listen to Lionel Richie sing Ballerina Girl for eternity.
Belinda:
I didn't know Mr. Richie was dead.
The BVM:
Just his career! (laughs) But they've got a killer sound system down there. They have an awesome dance-party on the Sabbath -- which is just done to annoy me, as Satan knows that is the one day I can't go. I bought this great outfit and everything - I'm always about 2 and one-half centuries ahead of 7th Avenue. I just didn't read the invitation carefully to see what day it was. I tried to organize one in Heaven, but no one knows how to dance up there. (Rolls her eyes). Beside, we didn't get any of the decent DJ's. And they can make or break a party.
Belinda:
You mentioned "The Bird" earlier. Who is that?
The BVM:
Oh, don't get me started. (laughs) That's what I call the Holy Spirit. TB for short.
Belinda:
Is there a problem between you and the Holy Spirit?
The BVM:
TB just likes to be the center of attention. He's behind this whole Charismatic movement taking over My-Son-ianty, where people are obsessed with The Bird. I mean, even the name was His idea! Charismatic! Isn't that a My-Husband-damned joke? I said, "Word, Bird: the last thing any of those hillbillies gurgling saliva and rolling around in hysterical convulsions have is charisma!"
Belinda:
Well, you certainly have a point there.
The BVM:
Anyway, I had the last laugh. I've given all of them so-called charismatics either bad dental work or an inability to chose ties and shoes. Sometimes, both!
Belinda:
How long has this feud been going on?
The BVM:
It seems like eternity, but it's probably a few years short of that. The Bird has serious self-esteem issues - you try being just a third of a person - and is always getting in a snit about something. For example, we were at some black-wing function and I was talking to Marie Antoinette, who's a riot; she cracks me up -
Belinda:
Marie Antoinette is in heaven?
The BVM:
Most of her. We don't get into human class squabbles - too difficult to keep up with. Especially with the French; they are always mad a someone. Anyway, we were laughing over the "let them eat cake" comment - which, you know, she never said, but it's funny anyway, and The Bird was trying to get her attention, which was getting real annoying. So, I said, very politely, "Word, Bird: you fly through my halo one more time while I'm trying to talk, there are going to be some seriously singed feathers and the Trinity is going to be the Duality pronto."
Belinda:
And did He stop?
The BVM:
No. He got really bent out of shape. You see, someone must have told him about all those taxidermists I'd lobbied to advance from Purgatory. You know, just in case. Anyway, He did something really disgusting in my hair. And we don't have running water in Heaven, so that is a real problem.
Belinda:
So, this feud between you and the Holy Spirit started at this cocktail party?
The BVM:
No, it goes back way before that! All the way back to the Annunciation.
Belinda:
That was when you conceived the Christ Child?
The BVM:
Yeah, and the Bird insinuated himself into the whole thing and it really left a bad taste in my mouth.
Belinda:
How did He do that?
The BVM:
Well, it was all set up, you know. I knew it was going to happen.
Belinda:
Gabriel had told you?
The BVM:
No. That was later. Luke got it all mixed up. So what's new? (laughs). I'd already talked to God about it. Everything was set up. I'd finally gotten Joseph out of the house. I'd cleaned the sheets and lit candles. I'd even shaved my legs - which no one did back then. So what do you know? At the very last minute, Gabriel comes flying in, waking up the neighbors with that horrible bugle of his, saying there has been a change of plan.
Belinda:
What was the change?
The BVM:
The Bird was going to be the one to do me. (Rolls Her eyes).
Belinda:
Why was this a problem?
The BVM:
Oh, like you'd be happy to hear that! Please! All so that the Bird can horn in and get the credit for Jesus, I have to go down in history sleeping with a damn bird.
Belinda:
I always assumed that was just a metaphor.
The BVM:
Well, I'll tell you, it might as well have been! (laughs)
Belinda:
What do you mean?
The BVM:
Ever heard the expression "hung like a bird"?
Belinda:
No.
The BVM:
Yeah, well there's a reason! (Laughs and holds up her small finger). Anyway, we've never gotten along too well. And it didn't get better. TB's still got his feathers ruffled over all that Marian worship during the Middle Ages. Talk about holding a grudge! You know, back then the Catholic Church was building a whole lot more statutes of me. Only real Anglo looking ones, which I never found attractive. I mean, I NEVER would have worn so much blue if my skin were that pasty! Blue is so draining. God never thought humans would use so much of it. It was always meant as an accent color. Even My Husband admitted it was a mistake to go with blue for something as conspicuous as the sky. But He didn't think about that until we went to Los Angeles last year for the Oscars. Their light pink sky is fabulous for skin tones. Anyway, the point I was making is that they were making a lot more statues of me than birds (unless they were just props for St. Francis). The Bird got real jealous. I know He was behind the advent of Protestantism - just to keep me in my place. I can't prove it, but it has TB written all over it.
Belinda:
I'm a bit surprised such politics go on in Heaven.
The BVM:
I admit; it can get sort of petty. About seven hundred years ago - no, maybe not that long - anyway, we were all at this public appearance thing. The opening of a Mall or something. Anyway, I was busy talking with Jesus, you know, and I didn't realize that I had stepped in front of the Bird, which is a big no-no! So, anyways, instead of just tapping me on the shoulder with his beak, He has to make a fuss and thunder in front of everyone, "Get thee behind me, Mary!"
Belinda:
I always thought that expression was first uttered by Diana Ross.
The BVM:
Another one of my favorite singers that I'm never going to get to see! No, that "Get Thee Behind Me" business was just the Bird pulling rank, as usual. (Rolls eyes) You see, supernal protocol says that when it comes to folks who can stand in front of me, there are only three. Though, technically, they're regarded as one person. It's very confusing. Especially when you're trying to fill out a dinner-table. And you go: "Boy, girl, boy, girl, boy, girl, bird."
Belinda:
But that's the completion of the Trinity.
The BVM:
Your word. You ask me - and no one does - that's just something humans made up. But TB, of course, latched on to it because it places him closer to the action. And don't think you all down here are the only ones who debate that trinity business! We argue about that one all the time - especially when we're ordering Chinese. Lord, Jesus and the Bird are definitely three people when they're eating, but when it comes time to split the bill, then it's a different story! I always get stuck paying half, which is why I end up having to do more of these personal appearance gigs than they do! I tell you girls: it is a man's afterworld!"
Oh, My Husband! Look at the time. My Son, I need to be in some country that I've never even heard of in about twenty minutes - a little scheduling snafu. One of my seraphim staff has this crazy attitude that once she got to heaven her work was over. Who tells people these things? I'd fire her, but she's about the only Caucasian we got up there, so what can you do?
Belinda:
First of all, I want to thank you for giving Adult Christianity this wonderful exclusive.
The BVM:
Just for print. Jet Magazine out-bid you for the North American photo rights. Well, actually they out-bid Vanity Fair, too. But I'm going with VF anyway because they promised Leibowitz. At my age, you need someone who knows their filters. So, where is that other chick? I thought there were going to be two of you.
Belinda:
Mrs. Bowers?
The BVM:
Bowers? Yeah, that's the one.
Belinda:
She sent her regrets.
The BVM:
Oh, yeah? (laughs) She wants regrets? Wait 'till she finds out I overheard her say, (sounding exactly like Mrs. Nancy Bowers) "I won't be in the same room with that Papal-foisted interloper, false idol and stable slut."
Belinda:
Oh, dear. I don't recall her making that stable comment.
The BVM:
Maybe I'm projecting. Whatever. OK, fire away.
Belinda:
Is there anything about religion in America that you would like to see change?
The BVM:
How much time do you have? (laughs) Let me see. Well, basically three things. First, less attention on the Holy Spirit (yawns and looks at her watch). Second, more attention on Me!
Belinda:
That was fabulous!
The BVM:
What was?
Belinda:
When you said "Me" this wonderfully warm light bathed the entire room.
The BVM:
Well, it's like I always say: there's not a woman in this Universe who can't benefit from radiant back-lighting. How did it play on the fabric?"
Belinda:
Completely ethereal.
The BVM:
Perfect! Apparitions so often overlook the importance of good production values. So where was I? Oh, I know. And the third thing people need to do is get back to animal sacrifices.
Belinda:
Animal sacrifices? Say it isn't so.
The BVM:
Look, My Husband went to all the trouble of having it all laid out in painstaking detail how to do an artfully competent animal sacrifice in the Old Testament. And what happens? None of you people do it. I mean, He made humans with an urge to kill, so My Husband gave them tips on what to kill. But people never sacrifice animals anymore!
Belinda:
Well, it is seen as being a little cruel.
The BVM:
It's "mean." (Laughs derisively) So, you just kill each other instead! What's that all about?
Belinda:
A lot of people are uncomfortable about cruelty to animals.
The BVM:
Oh, please. Humans will mow children down in junior high school with semi-automatic weapons, starve half an African village to death, but won't put mascara on a rabbit? My Husband is just so not getting that.
Belinda:
You talk about "my husband." Whom are you referring to?
The BVM:
Whom do you think I'm referring to? Do you think I have multiple spouses? I mean, hel-LO? We don't live in Utah!
Belinda:
Well, they only allowed the men to have multiple spouses in Utah.
The BVM:
That is just so typical of this planet; don't get me started. But what would you expect from some Johnny-come-lately religion without a strong mother-worshipping tradition anyway?
Belinda:
Are you and God actually married?
The BVM:
Look, I had His kid. You'd think I'd of gotten a ring out of it. Right? But no.
Belinda:
Why not? It's my understanding that He's really pro-marriage.
The BVM:
You'd think, but He's real cagey. He keeps saying "How can we be married before God, when I am God?" It's so annoying when He gets obtuse like that; He thinks He's being clever. Not.
Belinda:
Why is He so reluctant?
The BVM:
I think He's really worried. You know, if we divorced, I'd get half of everything. Literally. And that's a lot. Besides, we'd argue over who got Earth. But I'd probably end up being the one stuck with it.
Belinda:
Would our planet be that bad?
The BVM:
Well, as planets go, it is pretty nice looking. I particularly like some of the Four Seasons resort properties. But, I got to tell you, out of all the trillions of planets, there are only two of them where the inhabitants wear blended fabrics or pretend to speak for God. Earth was not the first, as usual (laughs), but it does it the most. As you can imagine, that don't exactly sit well with Him. I mean, He used to get mad at me. Like when reports of that dyke Joan of Arc filtered back to Him, making it sound like I'd been talking to her on His behalf. As if. I don't even know her - besides, I was on vacation that century. No offense, but that whole Middle Ages was so dull! Like the 1980's. But it really hit the fan that week.
Belinda:
You don't know Joan of Arc?
The BVM:
I don't know any of those French bitches who say they know me! Name-droppers! Like that mousy Bernadette woman. Like I'm going to loiter in some nasty, clammy grotto waiting for some delusional drab bore to talk at me in French! You know, not even polite enough to ask if I speak the language! Which I don't. So typically arrogant! I mean, He-LLO?? I can say "merci" - not that a deity ever would, of course.
Belinda:
You don't understand French?
The BVM:
Does anyone understand the French? (laughing) No, seriously, The Bird speaks it beautifully - especially after a bowl of wine, but, hell, that's His specialty - tongues. But I can't keep up with all the human languages. There are just too many of them. I mean, I buy the tapes, I buy the CD-ROMS, but who has the time? Years ago, I took the time away from poker to learn Esperanto. Never again. Basically, if it isn't Arabic, Latin, some Mandarin or English, no-can-do.
Belinda:
So, if someone prays in Polish, you won't understand?
The BVM:
Not a word. Which, incidentally, didn't exactly help them out in the 1930's.
Belinda:
But doesn't the Pope pray in Polish?
The BVM:
The who?
Belinda:
The Pope.
The BVM:
You've lost me.
Belinda:
The Pope. In Rome.
The BVM:
Oh, that guy! I know who you're talking about. I love his hats! They are beyond fabulous. Not everyone can pull off that kind of height. I'd try it, but we can't get that kind of workmanship in Heaven. So, he prays in Polish? Who knew.
Belinda:
I think he does.
The BVM:
News to me. Anyway, it doesn't matter, because I always know what it's all about anyway. They always want something. Besides, with the Internet, we're going "All English" this year.
Belinda:
God uses the Internet?
The BVM:
Not for important stuff, like damning people or asking them to kill their children - the connection speeds are just too slow, but we all use AOL to meet people. Funny story: God likes to go into the Christian Chat Room on AOL, and tell people He is God. You should hear the cocks crowing! They always deny Him. Some woman called Dottie from some place called Tennessee called him a "Filthy liar!" and got an AOL Chat Room Guide to boot Him off for "room disruption"! In the scheme of things, not a real smart move.
Belinda:
What happened to Dottie?
The BVM:
She was downloaded. (Laughs) He cracks me up when He says that! Downloaded. I love that! But she won't be lonely; most of those screen-names on AOL are going to Hell. In fact, Hell is an awful lot like AOL - without all those annoying slow-loading graphics. Mind if I smoke?
Belinda:
Well, actually, yes. I do.
The BVM:
OK. Well, let me ask it to you this way: Mind if I don't have one of my seraphim minions smite you while I smoke? (lighting up) I read what you wrote about that thing my Son said about a Camel passing through the eye of a needle. He stopped smoking about 600 years ago so didn't find the cigarette joke funny. You know what those reformed smokers are like - holier than thou. But, to be honest, He don't have much of a sense of humor. Unlike His Dad. Anyway, He said the comment was in reference to a portal that camels passed through. I'd forgotten about that until He mentioned it. In fact, I've successfully forgotten all that dusty Judea stuff. My rule: if it didn't involve room service, it ain't worth remembering! Anyway, camels wouldn't fit through the opening if they had all the possessions piled on it. See, the bags wouldn't get through, but the camel would fit real good. Sort of makes you wonder why Louis Vuitton or someone didn't come up with steamer trunks in the shape of camels or something. That would have worked. That's the thing with everything My Husband or My Son said: "you can get around it if you are smart enough to work it." They both love puzzles; and life is the biggest. Certainly, the afterlife tends to be a little more tedious.
Belinda:
Why is that?
The BVM:
Well, think of it. On earth, if your parents annoy you, after several years of managed-care, the end is in sight. Up there (pointing with Her cigarette), you can't get away from people - and they are there forever. (Rolls her eyes). Plus, forever, is a real long time - people forget that. And most people run out of things to say in the first 120 years - after all that annoying "ooh"ing and "ahh"ing is over with. None of them is that entertaining or has much original to say. You know, no one reads, because if they were big readers or were in any way connected with the entertainment industry, they aren't going to get in the first place. I keep saying, "Let some of those Sodomites in just to give the place some panache and maybe a floor show on Saturdays!" But rules are rules, I guess. There are exceptions. I mean, we've got Halston cause God knows I can never have enough hats. He's fabulous with chiffon flouncing on halos!
Belinda:
So there are no entertainers in Heaven?
The BVM:
None of the decent ones. We got the Singing Nun and that one fucking song she sings. Tell me that doesn't get tedious! But no one flamboyant with any production values. True story: when Liberace kicked, for months there were a whole lot of old blue-winged ladies doing spiteful things in Heaven just to get sent down to Purgatory so they could hear his free concerts. Like God didn't know what they were up to! So, He sent them to Hell to listen to Lionel Richie sing Ballerina Girl for eternity.
Belinda:
I didn't know Mr. Richie was dead.
The BVM:
Just his career! (laughs) But they've got a killer sound system down there. They have an awesome dance-party on the Sabbath -- which is just done to annoy me, as Satan knows that is the one day I can't go. I bought this great outfit and everything - I'm always about 2 and one-half centuries ahead of 7th Avenue. I just didn't read the invitation carefully to see what day it was. I tried to organize one in Heaven, but no one knows how to dance up there. (Rolls her eyes). Beside, we didn't get any of the decent DJ's. And they can make or break a party.
Belinda:
You mentioned "The Bird" earlier. Who is that?
The BVM:
Oh, don't get me started. (laughs) That's what I call the Holy Spirit. TB for short.
Belinda:
Is there a problem between you and the Holy Spirit?
The BVM:
TB just likes to be the center of attention. He's behind this whole Charismatic movement taking over My-Son-ianty, where people are obsessed with The Bird. I mean, even the name was His idea! Charismatic! Isn't that a My-Husband-damned joke? I said, "Word, Bird: the last thing any of those hillbillies gurgling saliva and rolling around in hysterical convulsions have is charisma!"
Belinda:
Well, you certainly have a point there.
The BVM:
Anyway, I had the last laugh. I've given all of them so-called charismatics either bad dental work or an inability to chose ties and shoes. Sometimes, both!
Belinda:
How long has this feud been going on?
The BVM:
It seems like eternity, but it's probably a few years short of that. The Bird has serious self-esteem issues - you try being just a third of a person - and is always getting in a snit about something. For example, we were at some black-wing function and I was talking to Marie Antoinette, who's a riot; she cracks me up -
Belinda:
Marie Antoinette is in heaven?
The BVM:
Most of her. We don't get into human class squabbles - too difficult to keep up with. Especially with the French; they are always mad a someone. Anyway, we were laughing over the "let them eat cake" comment - which, you know, she never said, but it's funny anyway, and The Bird was trying to get her attention, which was getting real annoying. So, I said, very politely, "Word, Bird: you fly through my halo one more time while I'm trying to talk, there are going to be some seriously singed feathers and the Trinity is going to be the Duality pronto."
Belinda:
And did He stop?
The BVM:
No. He got really bent out of shape. You see, someone must have told him about all those taxidermists I'd lobbied to advance from Purgatory. You know, just in case. Anyway, He did something really disgusting in my hair. And we don't have running water in Heaven, so that is a real problem.
Belinda:
So, this feud between you and the Holy Spirit started at this cocktail party?
The BVM:
No, it goes back way before that! All the way back to the Annunciation.
Belinda:
That was when you conceived the Christ Child?
The BVM:
Yeah, and the Bird insinuated himself into the whole thing and it really left a bad taste in my mouth.
Belinda:
How did He do that?
The BVM:
Well, it was all set up, you know. I knew it was going to happen.
Belinda:
Gabriel had told you?
The BVM:
No. That was later. Luke got it all mixed up. So what's new? (laughs). I'd already talked to God about it. Everything was set up. I'd finally gotten Joseph out of the house. I'd cleaned the sheets and lit candles. I'd even shaved my legs - which no one did back then. So what do you know? At the very last minute, Gabriel comes flying in, waking up the neighbors with that horrible bugle of his, saying there has been a change of plan.
Belinda:
What was the change?
The BVM:
The Bird was going to be the one to do me. (Rolls Her eyes).
Belinda:
Why was this a problem?
The BVM:
Oh, like you'd be happy to hear that! Please! All so that the Bird can horn in and get the credit for Jesus, I have to go down in history sleeping with a damn bird.
Belinda:
I always assumed that was just a metaphor.
The BVM:
Well, I'll tell you, it might as well have been! (laughs)
Belinda:
What do you mean?
The BVM:
Ever heard the expression "hung like a bird"?
Belinda:
No.
The BVM:
Yeah, well there's a reason! (Laughs and holds up her small finger). Anyway, we've never gotten along too well. And it didn't get better. TB's still got his feathers ruffled over all that Marian worship during the Middle Ages. Talk about holding a grudge! You know, back then the Catholic Church was building a whole lot more statutes of me. Only real Anglo looking ones, which I never found attractive. I mean, I NEVER would have worn so much blue if my skin were that pasty! Blue is so draining. God never thought humans would use so much of it. It was always meant as an accent color. Even My Husband admitted it was a mistake to go with blue for something as conspicuous as the sky. But He didn't think about that until we went to Los Angeles last year for the Oscars. Their light pink sky is fabulous for skin tones. Anyway, the point I was making is that they were making a lot more statues of me than birds (unless they were just props for St. Francis). The Bird got real jealous. I know He was behind the advent of Protestantism - just to keep me in my place. I can't prove it, but it has TB written all over it.
Belinda:
I'm a bit surprised such politics go on in Heaven.
The BVM:
I admit; it can get sort of petty. About seven hundred years ago - no, maybe not that long - anyway, we were all at this public appearance thing. The opening of a Mall or something. Anyway, I was busy talking with Jesus, you know, and I didn't realize that I had stepped in front of the Bird, which is a big no-no! So, anyways, instead of just tapping me on the shoulder with his beak, He has to make a fuss and thunder in front of everyone, "Get thee behind me, Mary!"
Belinda:
I always thought that expression was first uttered by Diana Ross.
The BVM:
Another one of my favorite singers that I'm never going to get to see! No, that "Get Thee Behind Me" business was just the Bird pulling rank, as usual. (Rolls eyes) You see, supernal protocol says that when it comes to folks who can stand in front of me, there are only three. Though, technically, they're regarded as one person. It's very confusing. Especially when you're trying to fill out a dinner-table. And you go: "Boy, girl, boy, girl, boy, girl, bird."
Belinda:
But that's the completion of the Trinity.
The BVM:
Your word. You ask me - and no one does - that's just something humans made up. But TB, of course, latched on to it because it places him closer to the action. And don't think you all down here are the only ones who debate that trinity business! We argue about that one all the time - especially when we're ordering Chinese. Lord, Jesus and the Bird are definitely three people when they're eating, but when it comes time to split the bill, then it's a different story! I always get stuck paying half, which is why I end up having to do more of these personal appearance gigs than they do! I tell you girls: it is a man's afterworld!"
Oh, My Husband! Look at the time. My Son, I need to be in some country that I've never even heard of in about twenty minutes - a little scheduling snafu. One of my seraphim staff has this crazy attitude that once she got to heaven her work was over. Who tells people these things? I'd fire her, but she's about the only Caucasian we got up there, so what can you do?
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
I WANT OUT
FUCK!!! Sorry people i just needed to say that. I left work early today so that i could finish my paper. Oh god i just don't know what to do... Okay confusion: I don't want to go to school any more, i'm i need some ME time. I just want to leave Chicago and relax. Maybe i'm just saying this now because i have been going to school and working full time for the last year and a half none stop. Basically if i'm at work i'm at school. It would be easy if i just had some homework where i had to open up a book and read, but i don't. I have to work in the studio and work in the photo lap, that is just for one class. It takes me about 4 hours just to take a couple of pictures that i'm happy with, and another couple of hours working on the actual image. FUCK!!! People i'm really confused, i may have to drop my studio class. Okay i have to stop and finish my paper. I just needed to talk with someone. Thank you all for reading and in a strange way listening. I only have EIGHT LONG WEEKS left to go.
MIDTERM
Okay people this is an update on what the hell is going on with school and some of my midterm assignments.
Media Law: I was finally able to get the interview that i needed with a La Raza newspaper journalist.
History of Photography: After two days of working on my paper i found out that i was not doing it right, This paper is due Wednesday at 10:00am. So i have to restart everything, but i'm still going to turn in my first paper as a draft.
Studio: Nothing here yet, but i'm still having trouble finding time to do some work for this class. But i do have a good idea for my final, but i will have to let my teacher know about it and get the okay. CLUE: I will be using my cell phone.
Speech: Lol my midterm speech will be on the Xbox 360.
Personal Art Projects: Well i was not able to work with the Domestic Abuse place, but they gave me another idea about working with elders. People always forget about old people, and are often forgotten and left alone.
Media Law: I was finally able to get the interview that i needed with a La Raza newspaper journalist.
History of Photography: After two days of working on my paper i found out that i was not doing it right, This paper is due Wednesday at 10:00am. So i have to restart everything, but i'm still going to turn in my first paper as a draft.
Studio: Nothing here yet, but i'm still having trouble finding time to do some work for this class. But i do have a good idea for my final, but i will have to let my teacher know about it and get the okay. CLUE: I will be using my cell phone.
Speech: Lol my midterm speech will be on the Xbox 360.
Personal Art Projects: Well i was not able to work with the Domestic Abuse place, but they gave me another idea about working with elders. People always forget about old people, and are often forgotten and left alone.
Friday, October 14, 2005
MY SHADOW
Just my shadow. I was walking in front of my school near the lake front today, thinking about crap and people, and feeling a little down. Why you may be asking yourself, well... sorry people not telling. CLUE: I hate schools in St. Louis, they scare me. But i still have hope, and will not give up.
Oh yeah i will not post much the next couple of days because midterms are coming up. Also i may just turn off my phone to think about things in life.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
NEW IPOD
Oh my freaking god people Apple just came out with an ipod that plays videos also, that just kicks ass!! Check this out i read this on yahoo news, well i'm just going to post it. I am so going to add this to my Christmas list.
"The video iPod -- a long-rumored product that could further spark sales of the popular brand -- has a 2.5-inch screen and comes with 30 or 60 gigabytes of memory. It will sell for $299 and $399, respectively.
The company also plans to offer music videos for $1.99 each at its iTunes online music store, along with short films from Pixar Animation Studios Inc.. It also said some ABC television shows would be available on iTunes a day after broadcast for $1.99.
The company unveiled the new products at a news event in California's Silicon Valley.
Apple has already sold more than 28 million iPods since their introduction in October 2001 and now has about 75 percent of the market for digital music players.
The company has refreshed the iPod line-up many times since their introduction. Apple on September 7 unveiled the iPod nano, a pencil-thin device that uses memory chips instead of hard disk drives to store songs.
The new iMac computer, which the company said would stand as an entertainment hub for DVDs, music and photos, will also directly complete with Microsoft Corp.'s Media Center.
The new products come after Apple on Tuesday reported a fiscal fourth-quarter profit that quadrupled from a year ago as revenue rose 56 percent and unit sales of iPods more than tripled.
But the company's stock fell as sales of the iPod -- 6.5 million in the quarter -- were less than some analysts' estimates, which were as high as 8 million."
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
GOOD BYE SUPPORT
Well people today is my last day as a Support Manager. Lol and i have The End by The Doors in my head and Good Riddance by Green Day. But like i say things happen for a reason in life, the hard part is just finding out why the things happen. Ramiro kept on asking me lastnight at work if I'm mad because of what happen. And yes and no. Yes i'm a little mad that i'm losing a couple of cents, and no because it has made me think about many things in life. I just don't know why someone would drop dimes on me when i have so much shit on her. Which i will take care of when i see that the time is right. LOL i'm evil like that, and i don't care who i will hurt on my way to make my plan work. But i already know what i'm going to do.
Also right now i have many other more important things in my head. School is one of them, i'm going crazy, i just wish i didn't have to work and had more time to work in the Studio. I feel i have so much more to give to school, but i'm stuck at work. I HATE WORK and St. LOUIS, BUT I LOVE RED BULL WITH OJ and... July 12. Oh yeah i'm not eating right again, i was talking with someone lastnight and i was telling them that i just forget to eat. I get hungry but then forget because i'm doing my homework or thinking about other crap.
So good bye to Support, and hello to CSM again. Time to clean house up there. LOL
Also right now i have many other more important things in my head. School is one of them, i'm going crazy, i just wish i didn't have to work and had more time to work in the Studio. I feel i have so much more to give to school, but i'm stuck at work. I HATE WORK and St. LOUIS, BUT I LOVE RED BULL WITH OJ and... July 12. Oh yeah i'm not eating right again, i was talking with someone lastnight and i was telling them that i just forget to eat. I get hungry but then forget because i'm doing my homework or thinking about other crap.
So good bye to Support, and hello to CSM again. Time to clean house up there. LOL
Monday, October 10, 2005
WHAT THE....
I saw this picture this morning when i was getting ready for school. At first i didn't know what the hell it was, it just looked kinda crazy. So this is the infor that i got from yahoo buzz.
We begin with gluttony. A corpulent python that bit off more than it could chew paid the price when its meal (an unwilling alligator) burst through the snake's midsection. Both animals were killed, but searches on "python," "python swallows gator," and "python explodes" (bleh) all exploded as never before.
GOOD TIMES
LOL Hey Ramiro i heard it was a good party, too bad you don't remember it. Just don't drink and drive.
PACKERS GOT LUCKY
Okay so the Packers got lucky this week. They won a game. Green Bay 52, New Orleans 3.
SUDOKU
I LOVE THIS GAME. Check it out people it's a fun number game. I found a site where you can play for free.
www.websudoku.com
Saturday, October 08, 2005
BirdFlu Virus
Winter is coming and so is the flu. This bird flu thing scares the shit out of me. Here is some information for all of you, take care, i don't want anyone to get sick or worst. If you guys start feeling a little sick PLEASE GO TO THE DOCTORS!!!
The Bird Flu Virus otherwise known as the Avian Virus has been around for years now however the first case of a person dying from Avian Flu was reported in Hong Kong in May 1997. The virus spreads primarily through wild birds such as ducks, in particular. They carry the virus, but are not killed by it. From them the virus can be spread to farm birds through direct contact or through contaminating water supplies.
What are the Symptoms?
This is the scary part. The symptoms of the Bird Flu Virus are very similar to the common cold such as fever, fatigue, coughing, sore throat, muscle aches and eye infections.
The Bird Flu Virus otherwise known as the Avian Virus has been around for years now however the first case of a person dying from Avian Flu was reported in Hong Kong in May 1997. The virus spreads primarily through wild birds such as ducks, in particular. They carry the virus, but are not killed by it. From them the virus can be spread to farm birds through direct contact or through contaminating water supplies.
What are the Symptoms?
This is the scary part. The symptoms of the Bird Flu Virus are very similar to the common cold such as fever, fatigue, coughing, sore throat, muscle aches and eye infections.
Friday, October 07, 2005
LOST COAT
"Freak"!!! It's 40F degrees here in Chicago today and i lost my coat. I was running around my house this morning like a chicken without it's head looking for my coat. I don't remember where in the world i left it, shit maybe i took it to the cleaners and never picked it up. According to the Weather channel it's 50F but it feels like like 40F, because of the wind and all. I wish i was somewhere down south, where it's warmer, hey that's a good idea what if i move down there? So does anyone know where i can get a good coat this winter? Lol maybe i will just quilt one up myself.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
LOL PACKERS
LOL THEY LOST!!!! Final score was Carolina 32 Green Bay 29. Packers next losing game will be on 10/09/05 against New Orleans. God at least the Bears have won ONE game. Tell me Heather how many games have the Packers won this year?
TOP 10 SONG ON MY IPOD
Many times the music that i listen to on my ipod reflects the feelings or mood in which i am in. So here are my top 10 songs i have been having in my head. Yes people i think i'm changing...Thank You
1. Y**'** ***** *** ***...
2. Guerrilla Radio by Rage Against the Machine
3. The Blower's Daugher by Damien Rice
4. Know your enemy by Rage Against the Machine
5. Sleep now if the fire by Rage Against the Machine
6. Freedom by Rage Against the Machine
7. Mr. Brightside by The Killers
8. It's been a while by Staind
9. Devils Haircut by Beck
10. Gold Digger by Kanye West
1. Y**'** ***** *** ***...
2. Guerrilla Radio by Rage Against the Machine
3. The Blower's Daugher by Damien Rice
4. Know your enemy by Rage Against the Machine
5. Sleep now if the fire by Rage Against the Machine
6. Freedom by Rage Against the Machine
7. Mr. Brightside by The Killers
8. It's been a while by Staind
9. Devils Haircut by Beck
10. Gold Digger by Kanye West
BLA, BLA, BLA...
Bla, Bla, Bla today people you may have noticed that I have updated a lot of stuff. I know that i said that i was not going to post more but i just decided not to post personal stuff. Like the text messages and stuff like that. But i will still write about how i feel on issues.
But one thing that has been in my head a lot is school. There are a lot of things i want to do, but i'm still stuck in school. I could have been done by now if i had just majored on basic photography. Being the way i am i picked photojournalism which takes longer, it's more classes, and a LOT MORE MONEY!!! FUN TIMES!! But anyways sorry that i have not updated in a long time and so now i have a lot of shit to tell the world.
But one thing that has been in my head a lot is school. There are a lot of things i want to do, but i'm still stuck in school. I could have been done by now if i had just majored on basic photography. Being the way i am i picked photojournalism which takes longer, it's more classes, and a LOT MORE MONEY!!! FUN TIMES!! But anyways sorry that i have not updated in a long time and so now i have a lot of shit to tell the world.
PHOTO WORK
NOTE I WROTE THIS IN CLASS:
So i was talking to a lady from a Domestic Abuse place and i may do some work for them. We are still in talks about the kind of work that i do and what they want. I have a meeting with them next week. Also i have an interview coming up with La Raza (it's a Mexican newspaper here in Chicago). I have to email them later day (already emailed them). But i will not go into too much details about both projects right now.
So i was talking to a lady from a Domestic Abuse place and i may do some work for them. We are still in talks about the kind of work that i do and what they want. I have a meeting with them next week. Also i have an interview coming up with La Raza (it's a Mexican newspaper here in Chicago). I have to email them later day (already emailed them). But i will not go into too much details about both projects right now.
WORK
NOTE I WROTE THIS WHEN I WAS IN CLASS:
Well I hate work more and more. Oh yeah i'm not a real manager any more. No they didn't fire me or anything like that. I just didn't want them to mess with my sister and move her to another store. (Hey RAMIRO sorry i was wrong, i think i know who changed their mind about you.) I am now a customer service manager, and .40 less of what i use to get paid. And yes people i do think i was the best Support Manager, shit they asked me to be an assistant manager, but i said NOPE.
Well I hate work more and more. Oh yeah i'm not a real manager any more. No they didn't fire me or anything like that. I just didn't want them to mess with my sister and move her to another store. (Hey RAMIRO sorry i was wrong, i think i know who changed their mind about you.) I am now a customer service manager, and .40 less of what i use to get paid. And yes people i do think i was the best Support Manager, shit they asked me to be an assistant manager, but i said NOPE.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
BORED 12:00PM UPDATED
Okay I for some reason I cannot get any kind of internet connection I guess I’m out of the “zone” but I see signs saying, “You’re in a WiFi area. I know what the fuck is up with this place. So I’m writing this on Word and will later transfer it to my blog. Lol by the time you read this it will be on my blog. So for the last hour I went to Starbucks, walked the airport, talked to my sister, texted Tracy, and went to a couple of gift shops. Oh one thing that got me kinda mad was that they don’t have any DVD movies. They only have Elvis DVDs, god who still listens to him. Oh yeah I almost forgot I’m still reading The Da Vinci Code and almost done, but I want it to finish already and get to the point. Yeah I got a little bored, but that is nothing new of me, I always get bored. I may start looking for lunch because I am HUNGRY. This place doesn’t even have a McDonalds!!!
WOW people look so busy. It was a couple of people that passed by and that was in a hour!!! SO BORED, SO SLEEPY
I was at the store for the third or fourth time and the lady at the counter was just staring at me. I wonder what the old lady was thinking, “ Oh my god a beaner…
Gotta love it, a grande white chocolate mocha with soy milk, and no wipe cream.
Once again, I don’t understand it. WHY DO THEY LIKE ELVIS SOO FREAKING MUCH!!!
Yeah an airport in the middle of nothing. I asked if there was anything I could do for fun, and some other lady was looking at me as if saying “Honey child look around…there ain’t nothing but woods out there.”
WOW people look so busy. It was a couple of people that passed by and that was in a hour!!! SO BORED, SO SLEEPY
I was at the store for the third or fourth time and the lady at the counter was just staring at me. I wonder what the old lady was thinking, “ Oh my god a beaner…
Gotta love it, a grande white chocolate mocha with soy milk, and no wipe cream.
Once again, I don’t understand it. WHY DO THEY LIKE ELVIS SOO FREAKING MUCH!!!
Yeah an airport in the middle of nothing. I asked if there was anything I could do for fun, and some other lady was looking at me as if saying “Honey child look around…there ain’t nothing but woods out there.”
BORED 11:00am
So i said that i was not going to post any stuff for some time. But listen what can i do when i'm stuck at an airport for FIVE hours with nothing to do. Don't ask me why i'm at the airport because i really don't feel like talking about. I could do my homework but i'm too hungry and a little upset right now. Maybe i will do it on my third hour of being BORED.
So right now it's 11am and my flight leaves at 3pm. Yeah this freaking airport doesn't seem to believe on posting changes, and i missed my flight. FUCKERS!!! So i wil post images of my boring adventure. lol, Let just hope that airport security don't start looking at me funny because i'm taking pictures.
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